Broken Pieces
by Holz9364
Summary: Jane & Red John finally meet, the outcome leaves both men dead and the team deal with it in their seperate ways. AU of course and Jane/Lisbon. Set 20 years after Janes death. T for a bit of language.
1. Prologue

**Broken Pieces**

**Prologue **

Usually if you break something its fixable or replaceable.

If you smash a mirror you can glue the broken pieces back together, but you will always see the cracks when you look at your reflection.

Breaking a heart is similar, you know its broken and whenever you think about it you can see and feel the cracks.

The smile that you force is a crack, the sadness in your eyes when you are trying to act happy, that's a crack.

You can act and pretend that everything is okay, but your heart, it's never going to be the way it was before.


	2. Teresa's POV

**Broken Pieces**

**Teresa's POV**

It was so many years ago that all the pain had happened, thinking back I'm was sure that its going to be 20 years this July, but time doesn't seem to matter, my heart will never mend.

I live a normal life, a happy life, I _am _happy, I _am _content, but I have been happier in a previous life, a life where things were a little better, a life that seemed a million years ago now.

I consider myself as being in my new life now, my old life is a thing of the past and when people ask me what my best memory is I answer from my new life, I say the birth of my first baby, but in the back of my mind I think; the day I met Patrick Jane.

When people ask me when I have been my most upset and down I once again think about my new life and say the time my little girl fell out of a tree and broke her leg, her arm and split her head open. In the back of my mind a little voice says; the day I watched Patrick Jane die.

When people ask me when I have felt my angriest and at whom I answer with, the day my little boy got all his food and money stolen by a bully at school, but once more that little niggling voice sighs at me and says; the day I killed Red John, after I had watched him kill the man I love.

It's always in the present tense in my memory, love, never loved because I never stopped loving him. I love my husband and my children, but I will always have him in my heart too. I suppose this was how he felt, he had always had his wife and daughter in his heart, but he made room for the team too and I had always hoped that I had been in his heart in the way that he was in mine.

After the meeting with Red John, the meeting when I had watched Patrick die and then in a state of complete fury killed his murderer I had known that I could no longer stay in California and definitely had to leave the CBI. I packed up my things, went to the funeral and said my goodbyes to the team.

I hadn't known where to go, but I decided to go as far away as I could, I didn't just leave California I left the USA and came to England. It was so new that I was a little scared to begin with, but then I pulled myself together and tried to find a job. They don't have elite police in England like the FBI and CBI back in the USA so I joined the London police force and I worked my way up the ranks from a police constable to a superintendent.

I met my husband Charles 2 years after I moved to England, I was only a police constable at the time and I actually met him at a crime scene. He was a witness and I had to question him, he was being cheeky and reminded me a lot of Patrick, he wouldn't stop bugging me until I accepted his offer of dinner.

I surprised myself by actually going rather than bailing and I had a great time, I instantly had chemistry with Charles and we dated for 3 years before getting engaged and marrying within the same year. Charles works in a bank so he brings in a lot of money, we have a massive house that I felt very awkward about when he bought it for us, I've always been about the simpler things, but I _do_ love Charles so I grew to love the house even though I've only seen about half the rooms in the giant place. I wasn't sure about children, but Charles wanted them so I agreed and when little Sophia was born I knew I would love being a Mom.

Sophia isn't so little anymore though, she's all grown up now, she's a teenager at 15 years old and she's going to be an adult all too soon. Even Patrick is growing up too fast; I can't believe that he's 12 years old already. He has a significant namesake and I explained to Charles about a year after we met about Patrick Jane and what he meant to me, Charles understands because he lost his girlfriend of 8 years to cancer, he understands that Patrick will always own a piece of my heart and I'm grateful to him for that.

When I discovered I was pregnant again I sort of hoped for a little boy, but I would have been happy with another girl, I didn't find out until he was born because I wanted it to be a surprise, but when I found out he was a boy I was delighted. It was Charles idea to call him Patrick, he's so wonderfully sensitive and understanding about the ordeal, its part of the reason I love him so much. I agreed and gave the special little boy a very special name, he's a lot like his father which means he's a lot like the man he's named after. He's funny, charming and very energetic.

I often wonder what the team would think if they saw me now, what they would think of Patrick and I wonder if they would understand the significance of his name.

I haven't seen or heard from the team in 20 years, I sometimes wonder how they're doing, I think about calling them, but I know they are different now, we will have grown apart, they will all have moved on.


	3. Grace's POV

**Broken Pieces**

**Graces POV**

It had started out as an ordinary family holiday, like every other year. We got to the airport and had a stressful plane journey because little Lily gets travel sickness, then we arrived in our chosen holiday location and got a taxi to our hotel, the same as every other year.

The only difference was the location of the family holiday this year, most of the time we went to sunny places like Hawaii or Florida or Cuba, but this year my husband had an idea that I had surprisingly liked quite a lot. He suggested a holiday in a cooler place, a holiday not so much about the sun and the beach, but instead about history and interesting things to do since the children were a little older now. So we landed at Heathrow airport in England.

The three children took the mystery holiday quite well, but they had different reactions when they walked out of the airport. Lily is the youngest and at the age of 9 she gazed at the big red buses and the old buildings in wonder, her 12 year old brother Samuel shrugged and commented on the fact that it was raining and 16 year old Lexie grinned and said she loved boys with English accents.

My husband, Nathan, is a private detective, it was how we could afford a two week vacation for ourselves and 3 children every year. I had met him when I left the CBI and moved to Washington DC, we had worked a few cases together and gone on a few dates before deciding to make it official. I had worked my way up in DC before eventually joining up with the FBI, together Nathan and I made quite a large sum of money and we could afford to have a comfortable family home as well as luxuries like vacations.

Everyone had been surprised when I left the CBI, but after everything that had happened I couldn't have stayed, I always thought I would end up with Wayne Rigsby, but things had changed so much that we both knew that couldn't happen. It had been a breath of fresh air when I met Nathan, I hadn't minded that he was 5 years older than me either because we had gotten along so well, he is a perfect husband and an amazing father to the kids, I couldn't ask for more and I don't regret choosing to leave the CBI and Rigsby, not one little bit.

In 2 days it will be July 5th, the day we lost Patrick Jane. We had gotten a lead and he had followed it alone, we found him alive, but with Red John holding a gun to his head, Lisbon had screamed at him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, with a horrible sordid grin Red John had shot Jane and Lisbon hadn't hesitated in putting about 10 bullets into him in return. She had run to Jane after that and whispered something to him, his eyes had closed and Lisbon had completely broken down. I hate to think about it, I still miss Patrick so much. We are always on holiday on the 5th of July, it just coincides with the time we get leave from work, but every evening on the 5th of July we toast 'Uncle Patrick' as the kids have come to know him, I vow to never forget the man.

Lisbon had walked around in a dead trance for a few days, she went to the funeral, resigned and said goodbye to us, she wished me well and said she hoped I would continue in the police line of work, she said I had a promising career ahead of me. I resigned from the CBI only two days after she did, I said goodbye to Cho and Rigsby and I moved to Washington DC not long after for a new start.

I haven't heard from Lisbon in 20 years, I have no idea where she went or why, but I wish I had a number to call sometimes when I need a helping hand with one of my FBI cases. I know she was affected the most by the death of our favourite consultant because it was obvious to us all that she was in love with him for a very long time.

I sometimes curse Patrick's selfishness in what he did when I think about how its affected me, Lisbon and I'm sure the other two Agents on that team, I understand that he felt he had to do it to avenge his family, but I occasionally feel angry when I think back to what happened.

8888

We've been in England for 2 days now and we were walking along a crowded street when I saw something I thought I had imagined. I saw a woman with dark brown hair, a little longer than I remembered and bright green eyes that I could recognise in an instant.

She was walking holding the hand of a tall brown-haired handsome man and with her was a teenage girl whom I guessed looked around the age of 15 or 16, she had the same dark hair and green eyes. Holding onto the mans other hand was a boy who looked to be around 12 or 13, he too had bright green eyes and dark hair.

It was Lisbon, there was no one else it could be. At first I felt surprise because some part of me foolishly assumed that she would never get over the death of Patrick, I realised that at one point I didn't think I would get over the death of the man I loved as a brother, but I had met Peter, Nathans brother and he felt like a brother to me now. It filled the void, but in my heart I know I will always love Patrick as a brother more so than Peter.

As I stand here, frozen, I watch Teresa Lisbon walk towards me with the same look in her eyes that I imagine is in mine, I understand that although she is married and she has moved on, a part of her heart will always belong to Patrick Jane.

She greets me with a hug and we both cry a little, she doesn't speak with an English accent, although she has lived here for 20 years, she is still the woman I respected and knew.

I introduce her to Nathan and the children and she introduces me to her husband Charles and her two children, I try to hide the shock that flashes across my face as she tells me that her son is called Patrick, she realises and smiles, she must have noticed my awkward glance at Charles as she said the name.

She tells me that Charles knows all about Patrick Jane and the place he will always have in her heart, but that he loves her regardless. She also tells me that Patrick understands the significance of his name and how special it makes him to have the namesake of such a wonderful man.

She asks me if myself, Nathan and the children would like to have lunch with her and her family in order to catch up. I glance at Nathan who smiles warmly and I accept her offer, I know there is a lot of catching up to do and I feel that Patrick arranged this meeting on this crowded street on the 5th of July. I comment on this thought and Teresa smiles, she says something that echoes through my head and that I will always remember.

"He's always watching over us Grace, he's everywhere, all the time."


	4. Wayne's POV

**Broken Pieces**

**Wayne's POV**

I hate the 5th of July, its today's date and its one of the anniversaries that makes me want to curl into a ball all day and not have to think until its over. The 5th of July always goes so slow, painfully slowly.

Everyone I know knows why I hate this day, it was 20 years ago today that a good friend of mine, Patrick Jane, died. It was also 20 years ago that I resigned from the CBI, about an hour after Grace did. I knew both she and Lisbon were planning to leave California for a fresh start and because it was such a good Idea I decided to do the same.

I packed up my stuff and jetted off to my hometown, I moved to California when I was 18, but I grew up in Ohio, I went home and stayed with my parents for a while until I decided to try and find a good crime related job, I didn't want to give up the business completely.

After a few months of internet searching I was offered a place with the United States Secret Service, I knew it was the highest form of protection that you could get and I was honoured to be offered a place so I accepted.

Being with the Secret Service means that I work everywhere, I have a flat in Washington DC, near the Whitehouse, but with my job I'm rarely there. I sometimes get sent as far a field as the UK for jobs, but most of the time I'm jetting around the US protecting the president and other important figures. I usually ask for the 5th of July off, being with the USSS means you can get pretty lenient leave and the pay is great, but this year they needed me to work because the president has an important meeting in Geneva and I have to go and assist with my team.

That's another pretty cool thing about the USSS I have my own team and I get the title Special Agent Rigsby, my team consists of myself and 3 other Agents. There is Agent Karl Ward, he joined up at the same time as I did and we've been tight for about 15 years now. A few years later we got told by our superiors that we were no longer partners, but to be team-mates. I was given the title team leader and Karl wasn't angry at all, he was just happy for me. We got two new kids coming aboard and they are both great to work with even if they are girls, Agent Lucy Jackson and Agent Amanda Carter, its obvious that Carter and Karl have a thing going on, but I remember how it was with Grace and I so I don't say a thing about it.

Jackson has this adorable kid though, she brings her into work sometimes when we have a quiet day, she's only 6 or 7 years old and her name is Lola, she's got massive blue eyes that just draw you in and the same white-blonde hair as her mother. I love that kid like she's my own and with Lucy's man leaving her when Lola was born I help out a lot. She says I'm like the dad that Lola's never had, its Lola that makes me want to be a dad and settle down one day, but with my job its hard to find a girlfriend let alone keep a wife, Lucy says its difficult juggling the job and the travelling and being a single Mom, but she manages.

I sometimes wonder whether Lucy and I could ever be parents to Lola together, I already love Lola like a daughter and Lucy and I both know that there is more than friendship between us. The irony of it is that we both love our job too much, she's stubborn, its partly why I like her, sometimes the whole situation frustrates me, its like Grace and I all over again.

When I think about Grace my stomach lurches because thinking about Grace makes me think about the CBI and the team, my old team, I may have my new one now and I love my team, I really do, but I still love my old team too, they were the brothers and sisters I never had, well except for Grace, but that's another story.

I always toast Patrick Jane, before I had my team I toasted him with my parents and when Karl and I were partners we toasted Patrick. Then when it came to the teams first 5th of July with me, they wondered what was up with my bad mood, Karl explained to them and the girls were sympathetic, they suggested we toast Patrick and have a minute of silence and ever since that day we've done it every year.

So although we're on a jet protecting the president, making sure no one is firing at us or no one is on board who shouldn't be we aren't going to break that tradition. The clock hits 3:11pm, the moment when Patrick Jane breathed his last breath and there is silence other than the humming of the jet and the chinking of glasses.

Patrick Jane may have lived and died selfishly, but I am not a selfish man therefore I refuse to not remember his death purely because he walked into that room knowing he would die. I think of Lola, she's not even my daughter through blood but if someone hurt her in the way his little girl was hurt I would want to kill the bastard that did it too.

So yes he did walk in knowing he was going to die, yeah I guess the papers were right it was a suicide mission, but that won't stop me from toasting the death of a brave man who lived a half life up until the day he died.


	5. Kimball's POV

**Broken Pieces**

**Kimball's POV**

Its the 5th of July again, the day when I walk around in a quieter state than most other days. It's different today because its not just any old anniversary, it's the 20th anniversary. If Patrick Jane was still alive he would be 58 now, he may have married again, he may have had children, but it was all what ifs? Because he hadn't had the chance to do any of it.

I've moved on a lot since that day 20 years ago, although I do still miss my old team member and I'm pretty sure the other 3 do too, wherever they are. I always thought that when the day came we would stick together throughout the aftermath and help each other, but I never thought they would all abandon me because that was what happened.

Lisbon said goodbye to us, her team, her friends and just left, god knows where she is now, I haven't seen her or heard from her since she left. 2 days after Lisbon left Van Pelt followed and in a state of complete loneliness Rigsby left that same day which left me. I could hardly be a one man team and I didn't know what to do.

I was called to Hightower's office she asked if I wanted to be transferred to another unit within the CBI or if I wanted a job with the FBI or USSS, she said I had a good chance with any of them. I told her I would talk to Elise and tell her the next day so I did just that.

I went home and told Elise what had happened, she had been upset when she heard that Lisbon had left, she and Lisbon had come to be good friends, but Lisbon hadn't said goodbye. I understood with Lisbon, I realised she couldn't stay in a place with so many happy memories, but it was different for her, she and Jane had been in love, it was obvious to everyone, Hightower too I imagined and that was why everyone, including Hightower understood and accepted it when Lisbon resigned and left in a hurry.

It was different with Grace and Wayne, sure they had loved Patrick Jane too, so had he, but they had loved the man as a friend and a brother, they could have said proper goodbyes without rushing off like Lisbon had.

Elise was saddened by the news of the team falling apart and said she was happy to do whatever, she told me that if I chose to stay at the CBI things wouldn't change, but she also said if I wanted a change of scenery she would move to Washington DC with me, I went to bed that night angry at the others for giving up, it was then that I decided _not_ to give up.

The next day I went to Hightower and asked to be transferred to another unit within the CBI, she smiled and said she had a better idea. So within a month I was Special Agent Kimball Cho and I was leading the Special Crimes unit in the CBI, I had 3 Agents on the team and thankfully not another consultant, I don't think I could have dealt with that after Patrick's death.

Elise was delighted for me and I decided to do things differently this time. I introduced myself to the team, told them a bit about myself and invited them over for a meal so they could get to know me better and they could meet Elise.

Elise immediately hit it off with the only female Agent on the team, Jenny Paisley, Jenny is around the same age as Elise, she's perky and witty, she reminds me a lot of Lisbon, she has this dry sense of humour like Lisbon had, I imagine her as a younger version of my old boss. Jenny is like Lisbon when she was a young junior Agent in San Francisco. Jenny is easy to get along with and has a knack of being sweet to suspects to get them to talk, she's great at what she does and she's a good friend too.

There are two other Agents on the team, Danny Harper is young as well and he's a lot like Jenny, he likes his job and you can see that just by looking at him, he's always smiling and joking, I have a sneaking suspicion that he and Jenny have a thing going on, but I don't have the heart to report it so I just leave them be. Hightower is still in charge, but she's either gone soft or lost her close attention to detail because I've been working with them for the best part of 20 years and she hasn't said a thing.

The 3rd Agent is older and wiser and much more serious than the two young upbeat Agents on the team. His name is Andrew Gigg's and he's a lot like me, I think he's a couple of years younger than I am and he takes the job very seriously. He's always working, if he's not clicking away on his computer he's scrawling things down in a notepad. I play golf with him occasionally when we have days off and when he's out of serious work mode he's a genuinely nice guy, he's got 3 kids that are all grown up and they come to the office to see him sometimes, when his kids come in the door he immediately pulls himself out of work mode and grins at them, I usually give him the afternoon off to spend with them because I'm nice like that.

Jenny and Danny don't have kids or partners, but Elise and I are still going strong, we got married about 5 years after the whole ordeal with Jane and we have twins, one boy and one girl. Elise wanted to name the boy Patrick, but I didn't think it was fair. He didn't die in a noble way, at least not in my opinion. He walked into a trap knowing the outcome, it was selfish and he didn't think of the other people who cared about him so I said no, I said I was sorry to Elise, but I didn't think the namesake was deserved.

Elise understood and with a smile said we should call them Jacob, after her father and Kaya after my mother, I liked both names and said that was a great idea.

The twins are a handful, they have been since birth so we decided not to have any more children, we are happy with the two we have. They are 14 now and although individually they are both great kids, together they bicker and fight constantly.

One night as we were watching them argue over whether to watch cartoon network or the history channel Elise made a remark that made me think she was reading my mind. She chuckled and said, "It's like Patrick and Teresa have been reborn."

I didn't smile or laugh at her comment, instead I watched them in deep thought, it was true, a very similar argument had happened at a team night at Lisbons apartment. They put the TV on and Jane wanted to watch "Phineas & Ferb" Lisbon rolled her eyes and said they weren't watching kids TV shows so she turned the channel to the news. Jane moaned about having to watch people talk about murders when all they did at work was solve them and a remote fight began. They grabbed the remote off each other and kept flicking between the two channels. I watched in disbelief and amusement as they ran around the living room waving the remote in the air and jumping on sofas to try and reach it, sometimes they were worse than kids. Grace and Wayne sniggered in the background as they watched the fight and Elise was chuckling too.

I shook the memory from my head, I didn't like to think about things like that, the memories just upset me, but on a day like today it was hard not to think about the memories.

Elise and I toast Patrick Jane purely because she feels we must remember the dead. After all these years I still feel angry for what he did and how he hurt us just because he wanted revenge, but I try to overcome it and think of the good times with Patrick on this one day. I forget the selfish nature of his death and I remember the funny, happy memories we had with him whilst he was alive and Elise does too.

The kids don't know much about Patrick other than he's a man I used to work with and a man that their mother and I knew well and loved like he was family. I don't want to tell them the story of his death because I know that they will think badly of him for it, like I do. So instead Elise and I share happy memories with our children about Patrick Jane and they view him as the funny, charming, kind man he was up until the day he traded it all in for selfish revenge.


	6. Epilogue

**Broken Pieces**

**Epilogue**

Revenge is like a poison. It eats away at you, consumes all the good in you until all that is left is a burning need to do something terrible. Revenge makes monsters out of good men and women. Revenge is a very powerful emotion.

An emotion more powerful than revenge is hard to find, but one that comes to mind is grief. Grief can lead to revenge. Grief is so strong that it pushes some people so close to the edge of a cliff that they can't keep their balance any longer and they fall into the dark looming bottomless pit at the cliffs bottom. They hit rock bottom and crawl there forever, unable to pull themselves out.

If you can overcome grief without being consumed by revenge you can move on, but not in the way it is assumed. Moving on does not always mean that you stop loving a loved one who is lost, it _can_ mean that, but in the end if it is easy to stop loving someone, did you ever love them at all?

Moving on can mean living a half life, you can marry and have children and be happy, but not in the way you used to be. You can smile and laugh, but you smiled and laughed more when you lived your life to the full. If you love someone with all of your heart it is difficult to completely remove them and you may never move on. That someone, who must have been very special to capture you so completely will always be a part of you and they will live through you.

So perhaps you should not fear grief, perhaps you should embrace it because grief is the process you must go through to move on into your next life, the life that isn't the same as the old life, but is still a happy one.

For many years you can go on, sometimes not thinking about the person in that little corner of your heart for years at a time, but as you die and your life flashes before your eyes think about this, which memories make up your mind for you?

The memories of that person you loved and lost who is waiting for you?

Or the memories of the person you moved onto who is waiting for you in the world of the living?

Is your greatest desire to be in the afterlife or to return to the half life you have lived for so many years?

Only then do you truly know if you ever moved on.

**The End!**

**A/N- I hope you liked this! I don't know what gave me the idea, but I just HAD to write this as soon as i thought of it! I've read a few fics of what could happen after Jane dies? sort of thing, but i decided to do something a little different. I didn't want the cliched Grace & Wayne would come together in the pain sorta thing so i seperated the entire team. Its hard to imagine what the team would do, they would either stick together or be unable to bear being around each other in a place with so many memories and grow apart. **

**So yes this is AU and if you don't like it I apoligise, but I really hope it turned out okay and relatively in character.**

**Thanks for reading xxx  
**


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